


5 times Sam cried in front of Jack

by AmyJ10



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Crying, F/M, Forbidden Love, Heartache, Hurt/Comfort, Resolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 05:18:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15574635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmyJ10/pseuds/AmyJ10
Summary: She has always prided herself on being ‘one of the guys’ and controlling her emotions is a huge part of that.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I love them when they're hurt and twisty. Please forgive me. 
> 
> I don't want anyone to read this and feel like Sam was just crying constantly for ten years, it takes a lot for her to cry and I wanted to examine why she may cry in front of Jack apart from the few examples that we saw on the show. 
> 
> I won't spoil anything by giving specific warnings but some of these hurt a little, be warned. (No sexual violence) 
> 
> All mistakes are my own.

1.  
The first time that she openly cries in front of him is just 6 months into their time as a team. She has prided herself on being ‘one of the guys’ from the moment she stepped through the gate and controlling her emotions is a huge part of that. 

The first time that she had almost cried in front of him was after she was rescued from the Shavadai, before she’d gone back to kick Turghan’s ass. She was so relieved to have been rescued but embarrassed and overwhelmed, she was worried about what her team might think of her. She had taken a few minutes to get cleaned up and back in to her uniform knowing that her CO was waiting just meters away. She had felt the sting of tears as she pulled on her jacket, her ordeal may have been over but unsure of the consequences. She had promised O’Neill she wouldn’t let him down, what would he think now? She steeled herself, reminded herself to get a grip and carried on just as her CO would expect her to. 

Now she can’t control the tears that slide down her cheek as she watches the remaining members of SG2 clamber around their fallen team mate. Colonel Graham Greeves bows his head, whispering some sort of hushed prayer that she can’t quite hear. Captain Jo Forbes stares blankly ahead while Major Colin Jones openly sobs. Captain Jamie Kelly had been hit by a staff blast whilst protecting Major Jones, he had died instantly. 

SG1 and 2 had been visiting a friendly planet when Apophis had arrived, the villagers tried to fight with the SG teams but without weapons many perished.  
Sam had been friends with Jamie Kelly for five months, both having a background in science, both the same age, both with front line SG teams and both with well known Colonel’s who ask for a lot and give a lot in return. After her first mission he had found her on her own in the commissary and started a simple conversation that had turned into a friendship. They would catch up when they could but she hadn’t managed to speak to him in a few weeks, she’d been happy when she realised that they would be on a mission together, maybe she would finally get to hear about his date with Nurse Atkins. 

She had barely spoken to him on the mission, they’d only been there a few hours before all hell broke loose and now he was gone. Major Jones continues to sob as Colonel Greeves places a gentle, supportive hand on his back. 

At the same time she feels a hand on her shoulder, she turns to see Colonel O’Neill. 

“I’m sorry Sir,” she immediately wipes her tears and tries to pull herself together. She knows that her team are safe, that had been the first thing that she had checked before she’d realised that Jamie hadn’t made it. She had hoped for just a few minutes to grieve. 

“I’m sorry about Kelly, I know he was your friend.” He speaks softly. 

“Yes Sir,” she can’t control her tears. “I’m sorry,” she whispers again, angrily wiping her hand across her face. She can’t help but wonder what he will think of her, stood there, openly crying on an alien planet. 

“Carter, you have nothing to be sorry about. It’s okay to cry, it’s a big loss.”

“Thank you, Sir.” 

She watches as he walks towards Greeves, offering him a supportive pat on the back and sympathy at the loss of one of his team. Greeves nods and wipes his eyes, allowing O’Neill to comfort him. Within moments Greeves is back supporting his team, promising them that they’ll take Captain Kelly home just like he deserves. 

“Sam, are you okay?” Daniel Jackson asks a few minutes later as Sam and Jack walk towards him. Sam doesn’t try to hide her tears and sees no judgement from Daniel, not that she ever thought she would. 

“Jamie was my friend, it’s a big loss.”

Colonel O’Neill nods, sends her a small smile and speaks. “Let’s get him home.”


	2. Chapter 2

2\. 

All she can feel his hands on her side, pressing against the seeping wound caused by a hidden knife. She was sure she had won the hand to hand battle with the jaffa but he recovered quickly and she felt a deep pain in her side. Within seconds Teal’c had killed him and caught her as she dropped to the ground. 

As soon as all of the fighting Jaffa were dead she was surrounded by her team, Daniel pulling her vest and jacket off as Colonel O’Neill removed his jacket, pressing it tightly against her side, doing everything he can to stop the blood loss. Teal’c reminds O’Neill that SG2 and Dr Fraiser are just a few miles away on the other side of the village with some Tok’ra, although they are out of radio range. Daniel is up and running towards the village in seconds, Teal’c carefully lifts Sam until she is resting on Jack’s lap and follows his team mate. 

“You’re okay Carter.” She hears a tint of panic in his voice and she knows it’s bad, she’s used to Daniel panicking but not her CO. She struggles to catch her breath, unsure that she’s ever been in as much pain as she is now. 

“Yes… Sir…” She gasps, struggling to contain a moan as a burst of pain slices through her. She grasps her side, her hand covering his and their fingers entwine. 

Minutes later, with no sign of Daniel, Teal’c or Fraiser he is desperate to do anything he can to ease her pain, he’s never seen her like this before, hands are shaking and she’s struggling to catch her breath. “Doc’s gonna be here any minute,” he assures her, grimacing as he begins to feel her blood seep through his jacket. 

“I’m sorry, Sir…” she wheezes. “I didn’t see the…knife.” 

“Carter, you have nothing to be sorry for. Relax, relax,” his free hand wipes the hair from her face. “You’re gonna be okay,” he promises. “Doc will fix this, she’ll get you back to the SGC and you’re gonna be fine.”

“I don’t…” she shakes her head, pain surging through her torso. “I don’t think so.” She has never felt pain like this before, she can feel the blood oozing from her side. Could these be her last few minutes?

“You’re going to be fine,” Jack repeats in a stern voice. “That’s an order.” He can feel himself panicking, he needs Daniel and Teal’c back here, he needs Fraiser. She can’t die, not like this, not here and not now.

“It hurts,” Sam whispers, still struggling to catch her breath. She feels like her insides are slowly burning, for a second she wonders if this is what happens to the body when it is stabbed. 

Jack looks down at her, it’s the first time he has ever heard her acknowledge that she’s in pain so he knows that she is in agony. She looks pale, no doubt a result of the blood loss. The bastard had butchered her. His heart sinks as a tear slips along her cheek. 

Sam cries out in agony, sobbing as he places more pressure on the wound. She hears his hushed apology and can’t help but cry. 

“Hey, tell me something. Tell me about our next mission, the one you and Daniel were so excited about. Something about rocks?” He wants to distract her from the pain, he knows everything about the mission already, Daniel has damn near talked his ear off but he needs to get her thinking about something else. 

“Sir…” she whimpers, gasping and reaching for him. He laces his fingers through hers. “I’m not going to-“

“You are! You’ll be okay, you just have to hold on a little bit longer.” He refuses to accept what she is trying to tell him. 

“Sir, I need you to know-“

“Carter-“ he warns through gritted teeth. She is going to be okay. She has to be. 

“Jack.” The use of his first name stops him, he looks down to see her beautiful, deathly pale face. Tears pool in her eyes and spill down her cheeks as she shakes her head. “I need you to know…” she gasps, sliding her fingers from his grasp and slowly bringing her hand to cup his cheek. “I need you to know,” she gasps as the pain becomes unbearable. She wants to close her eyes, she can feel the familiar pull of unconsciousness but it’s tinged with a deep fear. She isn’t ready to die, not here, not like this. 

“Carter,” his voice is thick with emotion and for a second he feels like he could lose it, fall apart but in just seconds he shakes her slightly as she closes her eyes. “No! Carter, you open your eyes, that’s an order.”

But she can’t. She hears his voice, she hears a panic that she has never heard from him before as she begins to slip away and then she hears more voices, Daniel and Teal’c, more panic. 

“Oh God, Jack, is she-“

“Do something!”

“…healing device…”

“…hurry. Please hurry…” 

“Please God…”

**

Sam coughs and splutters as her lungs cry out for air. She hears Jack before she sees him, he breathes out a “Thank God,” as she opens her eyes. She can see him, Daniel, Teal’c, Janet and a member of the Tok’ra, Jarlin, who is holding a healing device in his hand, they all lean over her, concern plastered across their faces. Janet, Daniel, Teal’c and the Tok’ra are all out of breath, having run to get to them. 

“This was a very close call,” Jarlin informs them all. “Just seconds later-“

“Uh, okay. Thank you.” Jack cuts him off, he knows what almost happened. He doesn’t ever want to think about it again, his heart is still racing.

“This,” Jarlin picks up the knife, “is laced with poison, you must have been in severe pain.” He speaks to Sam, who is still a little dazed. She nods, beginning to understand why she had succumbed to her injuries so quickly and why the pain had been so excruciating. 

“Take it easy,” Janet orders as Sam begins to move to get up. “You’re still very pale, you lost a lot of blood.” She looks at O’Neill, his jacket and the blood covered floor. “Did the healing device restore her blood?”

“No, it simply brought her back to life, removed the poison and healed the wound. It would be wise to get her back to Earth.”

“Simply..” Daniel mutters. Just moments previously he had been running towards Sam and Jack, Sam’s eyes were closed and there was a look of complete and utter devastation on Jack’s face that just told him… But here she was, alive and breathing in front of them. 

“Okay, you heard the man. Carter, are you okay to move?”

“Major Carter, I can carry you,” Teal’c offers before she can reply, a look of deep concern still covering the large man’s face.

“Uh, I’m okay. I think I can walk.”

 

**

 

In the end she can’t quite carry herself, she leans into Teal’c as he supports her on their journey to the gate. 

“That was close,” Daniel breathes a sigh of relief as he turns to Jack.

“Too close,” Jack sighs. “Too damn close.”

“Are you okay?” The younger man asks hesitantly, he knows better than to broach this subject with Jack but he would be bad friend if he didn’t ask. He watches as Jack straighten his shoulders and turns to him with a forced smile; The mask is back on. 

“I’m good,” is all he offers before striding towards Teal’c and Sam.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this three years ago and it never quite came together as a fic on it's own but it fits into this fic quite nicely. It takes place a few months after the Zatarc confession and I am angsting it up a bit, but this is imagining that the few months after weren't just fine between them that there was an awkward period where neither knew how to be around each other. This fic explores that theory.

3\. 

“Daniel!” Jack yells, unable to hide his anger. “Did I, or did I not tell you not to touch anything!” 

They had been exploring what Daniel had thought was a place of worship on P3X679, Sam had entered a side room, looking for any clues of who the worshippers may have been, when she had heard Daniels’ voice from the other room. 

“I wonder what this does.” 

Instantly chaos hit. 

The wall behind her had lurched forward, knocking her to the ground. She’d hit her head, hard. The walls began to shake and close in on her. She’d heard the Colonel yelling at her to get up, but she couldn’t. She had tried but stumbled to her knees, still stunned from the blow to the head. 

Jack had yelled her name again, noticing blood dripping onto the marble floor as well as the impending threat of her being crushed to death by four moving walls. Without thinking he ran into the room and reached for her. By the time he had hauled her up the walls had cut off any point of exit. He shouted at Teal’c and Daniel, trying not to sound as panicked as he felt. He’d kept a tight hold of Carter he the wall at his back pushing them both towards the front wall and certain death. 

“Sir?” Carter began to come to her senses.

“Don’t worry Carter, Daniel’s gonna fix this- Daniel!” Jack pressed his palms against the front wall, trying to stop the inevitable. “Daniel!” 

Not a second too soon the walls had stop moving. They were pressed against the walls, and each other, her back to his chest. 

“You guys okay?” Daniel shouts through the wall, praying that he’d managed to stop the walls in time. “Jack-“

“We’re alive!” Jack shouts, clearly agitated. “What the hell did I tell you?” 

Daniel closes his eyes, relieved.

**

Fate was a sick son of a bitch. Only she could be this unlucky. She closes her eyes, willing her body not to move, not to do anything. Her commanding officer is pressed against her; He’s so close that she can feel each rise and fall of his breath.

They had been avoiding each other since they’d been forced to admit that they cared for each other. She had added Sir to every sentence between them, just to remind herself of who he was and what she couldn’t have. He had avoided all eye contact and all touch. He’d been Colonel O’Neill for the first time in years, only speaking to her to give orders.

“Daniel!” he shouts from behind her again. “What part of this do you not get? There is no device in here and even if there was I wouldn’t be able to reach it because I am stuck between four damn walls!” Sam winces, the ache in her head is getting worse every time that he shouts. She raises her hand to her forehead to find the wound, her fingers are instantly covered in blood. She hears Jack growl in frustration and closes her eyes. 

“O’Neill,” Teal’c speaks. “There are no markings on this device. If we were to touch it again it may result in you and Major Carter being crushed.”

“Right…” Jack waits to hear the resolution to the problem. Silence. 

“We really need Sam out here.” Sam feels Jack tense behind her. Daniel really doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut. 

“I’m gonna kill him,” her CO announces through gritted teeth. She knows that his anger isn’t aimed at her, they had yet to speak to each other. They have spent two months avoiding each other at all costs and now here they are. She would have laughed it had been someone else in this situation. 

She had tried to speak to him once, in the commissary, she’d asked him if he’d been fishing in his time off. He simply looked at her, as if he was waiting for the punchline of a joke. Daniel had arrived just before he could answer and she had never been more grateful. 

“I think we need to go back to the gate and bring Siler or someone back with us?” Daniel calls. He knows that Jack was probably going to punch him when they get out, he didn’t particularly care. He is more concerned about Sam. He could only imagine how close she was to Jack and how much pain that would cause her. She hadn’t spoken to him about Jack or the Zatarc incident. Teal’c had informed him what each of them had said and he had watched as his team mates closed themselves off, to each other and to those around them. Jack has been angry, really angry at ridiculous things but Sam, he’s never known her to be so quiet. 

“Yeah, go. Bring Teal’c, the last thing we need is for you to fall in a hole!” 

“Jack, I am capable of-“

“Just go!”

**

“How’s the head?” Jack asks quietly. He feels her move against him and takes a shallow breath. He’s had had dreams about being this close to her. He slams his eyes shut, he could not think of those dreams, not now. Instead he forces himself to think of Daniel, and how hard he was going to punch him when he got out of this. 

“Uh, fine. Just a little cut,” she says quietly. “Thank you for-“

“Don’t mention it.” 

**

“The bleeding isn’t stopping,” she hears him moving behind her and struggles to accommodate his movements. She’s grateful that they both had use of their arms, limited usage but usage all the same, it allows her to place her hands against the wall in front of her and lean. She’s sure that she had a concussion and the Colonel is right, the bleeding wasn’t stopping. She heard a tear and then felt his hand against her head, he pressed a strip of his jacket against the wound. 

“This isn’t Daniel’s fault,” she starts slowly. She knows it isn’t what he wants to hear but the anger radiating from his body has made her fear for Daniel’s safety. 

“Yes, it is.” He keeps his hand pressed against her head. She could easily hold it there herself but she doesn’t move to do so. “He never follows orders-“

“He isn’t military-“

“I know he’s not!” Jack snaps. He doesn’t know why he was so angry, but he’s furious. Furious that Daniel doesn’t ever listen to instructions, furious that Carter is hurt and furious that he’s stuck with her, with no escape. It’s taking all his might and self-control not to react to her body pressed against his. She’s barely moved and for that he is thankful, he doesn’t know if he would be able to control his body if she were to be anything but still.

She doesn’t want to speak again. Every time she speaks he cuts her off or snaps and she can’t take it anymore. This is obviously who they are now. 

She shifts against him, not meaning to but unable to stand in the same position after what seemed like hours. 

He grits his teeth and tries to stop a grunt from escaping his lips, he fails. His body had suddenly realised that there was something to be excited about. He closes his eyes, pointlessly begging his body to switch off, not to respond to the feel of her backside against his crotch. He feels her freeze against him as his obvious desire begins to make itself known. Her breath hitches and he bites his lip, every fibre in his body wanting to press himself into her. Someone up there has to be laughing at his expense, he curses them, and Daniel. 

“I-“ She wants to tell him that it’s okay, that it was a natural response, that it isn’t about her but she can barely speak. 

“Carter, just…” he cuts her off, unaware that she has nothing left to say. “Don’t say anything. And don’t move.” He’s embarrassed and furious at the same time. He feels like a teenager, unable to hide his arousal. He’s more than able to conceal it usually, but of course his body would pick now to betray him. He takes a deep breath in, and out. He presses his back into the wall, knowing that she is pushing herself forward to avoid his arousal. 

“I’m sorry,” his soft words surprise her a few minutes later. “This isn’t your fault, and I’m…I just want to get out of here.” He waits for her reply. He’s sorry for being so abrupt with her. He’s sorry for everything. He had assumed that she wanted distance, she’d been the one to suggest keeping their admissions in the room. He didn’t know how he was supposed to react to her words, to her feelings. He knew that Hammond would have known, he would be watching. He had to keep her at arm’s length for both of their sakes. So that’s what he had done. 

She had asked him, a few days ago, if he’d been fishing. He didn’t know how to respond. Fishing symbolised something different to him, to them. The first few times that he had asked her it was for company, it was to make sure that she didn’t work through her time off. Each time she’d said no he’d found himself more and more disappointed but less surprised. She had to know? 

He wants nothing more than to see her smile, that smile, the one reserved for him but he can’t. He has to control his feelings, he can’t let them put her or Daniel or Teal’c at risk. He won’t risk her being torn from the team if the powers that be decide that they’re being inappropriate in any way. He wanted to be close to her, always, but he has had to push her away. His way to do that was to bottle everything up, convince himself that whatever he felt will pass and hope that she will understand. He misses her. He misses her babbling, he misses the excited look on her face when she breaks a law of science, he misses the way that she looks to him for guidance, the way that she trusted him… How could she trust him now?

He had done what he always did. He got angry. He didn’t mean to make it seem as though he was angry at her but it was the easiest way to keep a distance between them. He’d watched her flinch more than once at the cold tone of his voice, he wants her to call him out on it, to tell him to stop being an ass but she won’t ever d that. 

Sam closes her eyes, swallowing the lump in her throat. This is torture. She has feelings for him, intense feelings that have left her conflicted and confused. They will never be the same again. She misses him. He’s pressed against her, closer than he has been to her for months and all she can think about is how much she misses him. She misses his sarcastic comments, she misses his smile, she misses his reassuring stares. 

She misses him. She takes a deep breath and digs her fingernails into her palms. She would not cry. She wouldn’t. 

He has been such a huge part of her life for four years, along with Daniel and Teal’c. By the time she realised that she loved him she was already in far too deep. She should have left the team but she loved them too much, all of them, especially him. They were her home, they were her family. Jack gave her a confidence that she had never felt before. He had trusted her, he had put all of his faith into her. SG1 worked, they were perfectly mismatched, it worked. Now it was all ruined. 

She wishes that she had gone as soon as she realised, she wishes that she had been braver and stronger. She just didn’t want to wake up every day without knowing that’s he was going to see him. 

A single tear slips down her cheek. She’s lost him. 

“Carter.” She freezes. He can’t see her. He can’t know that she was crying. She remains quiet as more tears escaped. Her heart hurts, everything that has been holding in over the last few months suddenly wants a release. She hasn’t cried once since the night of the Zatarc incident, she had felt numb up until this very moment . Her chest feels heavy, like it may implode at any time. She tries to regulate her breathing, she doesn’t want him to know.

“Carter,” he whispers again. He knows that she is upset, he thinks she might be crying. “Carter, I’m sorry.” He doesn’t know what to say. He watches as she nods her head but says nothing, acknowledging his apology. 

Jack has spent so long thinking about how the Zatarc testing had impacted him, he’d been so determined to do the right thing, so sure that avoiding her was the way forward but he should have known that it would only harm them. He gently places his free hand on her shoulder, wishing he had the room to wrap his arms around her. 

“I’m sorry,” he repeats, resting his head against the back of hers. “I don’t know how to do this.”

He hears her take a shaky breath as she swallows a sob. 

“I know,” she manages. 

He thinks about telling her something he’s wanted to tell her for weeks but he doesn’t know if it will just make things worse. He eventually decides that nothing can make this situation worse so he speaks, “I miss you.”

Sam’s shoulders shake as relief floods through her. She had been so sacred that he hadn’t missed her at all. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, trying to pull her closer to him, trying to hold her even in their limited space.

Sam rests her head against his shoulder, allowing herself to enjoy the closeness of his body just for a little while. 

“This thing is going to need stitches,” he changes the subject, putting slightly more pressure n the wound on her head, knowing that he’s said enough for now. 

Just a few minutes later, when she finally trusts her voice she speaks, she is ready to tell him that she doesn’t want to leave it in the room anymore. She opens her mouth but freezes as she hears movement outside. 

“Jack! Sam! We found one of the villagers, they know how to open the walls! They actually said it happens all the time!”

“Okay Daniel! Get us out of here!” He shouts before speaking softly. “Let’s get you home.”


	4. Chapter 4

4\. 

“No, no please.” He hears Sam’s voice as he begins to stir.

“There is nothing more that we can do. I’m sorry.” 

“There has to be something,” her voice is thick with emotion, both anger and desperation. 

“We have done everything that we can.” And then they are gone. 

“Carter,” he calls, his voice barely audible. Her hands are on him instantly, one on his forehead, one on his chest. 

“Sir, I’m here.” 

“What happened?” 

“You’re sick,” her voice breaks and she takes a deep breath. He feels a dip in the bed as she sits next to him.

“Where?” he barely manages to ask. 

“We’re on P5X435, the gate is broken, it was struck by lightning before you and I could travel back to earth-“

“Daniel and Teal’c?” Jack rasps, his chest aching with every syllable. All he feels is pain, every joint hurts, his head is pounding. Everything hurts. 

“They’re safe,” she strokes her thumb across his brow. She doesn’t know that her team mates are safe, but every time Jack wakes he asks the same questions, with no recollection of having asked them before. She had told him the truth the first few times but couldn’t stand to see him so distressed again so now she tells him they’re fine and he goes back to sleep, longer and longer each time, only to wake and ask about them again. 

His illness started just a few days after lighting had destroyed the Stargate, now almost a month later he was deteriorating every day. What had started as a sore throat and tiredness is now so debilitating that he struggles to keep his eyes open for more than a few minutes, hasn’t been able to keep anything but soup in his system for weeks and can barely remember a thing. 

Today the Doctors have informed her that there was nothing else that they could do for him, they had tried everything, he was just too sick. It had taken everything in her not to throw one of them against the wall and force them to do something else, anything else. She had convinced herself that he was going to get better, and at times it felt like he had, she had even been able to get him out of the house once or twice, only for him to feel tired and have to come back to the little shack that they were now living in. 

“Carter…dying?” 

She stares at him as tears fill her eyes, he has never asked her this before but maybe he knows. A single tear escapes and she feels his thumb against her cheek, wiping it away. She feels a deep ache in her chest as she begins to realise that this may be the last time that he wakes, the last time that she ever gets to speak to him. Why has she wasted so much time? Tears cascade along her cheeks as she leans into his touch.

**

She lies next to him, her head resting on his chest, his hand resting on hers. He had gently urged her to lie with him when she was unable to speak through her tears.  
“Carter,” he whispers, his breath shaky, his face pale. She pushes herself up and meets his stare. He frowns, wanting to ask why she’s been crying but he simply doesn’t have the energy, instead his thumb strokes her cheek. She can see that he is in pain, it gets worse every time he wakes. 

Sam struggles to compose herself, knowing what’s coming. She had honestly convinced herself that he would bounce back from this, and it’s only been in the last few hours that she’s realised that they just aren’t that lucky. She is going to have to watch him die, she is going to have to try to navigate life without him. Her heart feels like it may crumble into thousands of pieces, she can’t even begin to imagine life where is isn’t present, where he isn’t the most important thing. 

“Jack,” she whispers, her fingers gently tracing his cheek bone, she presses her lips against his for just a few seconds. She sobs and pulls away from him. “I love you.”

“You too…” He weakly urges her to lie back down, to rest her head on his chest, and she does.

She gently strokes his cheek, “It’s okay,” she swallows the lump in her throat. “You can go to sleep now,” her breath hitches as she feels his body relax. Her thumb continues to stroke his cheek as she whispers words of comfort and love through soft whimpers and sobs. 

Hours later her head rests on his still chest and her thumb still strokes his skin, now cold. Her breath hitches, a reminder of her earlier distraught sobs. She closes her eyes and pulls herself impossibly closer to him. 

She can’t move, she doesn’t want to move. She doesn’t want to do anything ever again.

**

Sam slowly opens her sore eyes, she had fallen asleep after hours of crying. She’s scared to move, terrified of seeing his beautiful face without any trace of life. She closes her eyes, she can’t face reality, not when it is so bleak.

She frowns, something isn’t right. She feels a gentle rise and fall of the chest that she is lying on, it can’t be. She’s fooling herself, her body is simply tricking her, he can’t be-

“Carter…”

She moves so quickly she frightens him. 

“Whoa! Carter! It’s me!” He raises his hands, ready to defend himself, certain that Carter isn’t quite sure where she is. He looks like he did before the disease ravaged his body, healthy and full of life. 

“What are you… You’re…” She stops, her heart pounding. She shakes her head as she pushes herself up off of the bed. “This can’t be… I saw you…” tears fill her eyes. What kind of cruel trick was this? Was she dreaming? She pinches herself, definitely not dreaming. 

“What the hell is going on?”

“You’re… You were…” Her hand clutches at her chest, she remembers the pain, it’s still there, she had watched him die. 

“Breathe,” he gets up and walks towards her only for her to take a step back. “Carter, it’s me.” He takes another step towards her, she allows him to. After another step he is close enough to touch her, and he does. He places his hands on her shoulders. “Breathe,” he repeats, watching as her mind works at one hundred miles an hour. 

“You’re real,” Sam exhales, relief floods every inch of her body and she launches herself into his arms, clinging to him as though he was her only life source. She can’t help the sob that bursts out of her. 

He has no idea what’s happened but he has never seen Carter so distraught before so he does what comes naturally to him, he wraps his arms around her and holds her close as she sobs against his chest. 

They are interrupted moments layer by a knock at the door and Sam wipes her eyes and tries to pull herself together. The village Doctorss enter without permission with huge smiles spread across their faces. 

“We are so pleased, you passed,” the eldest announces. He explains that some men on the planet get sick, there is nothing that can be done for them but the truly just and righteous survive. The sickness simply has to run its course. They hadn’t been sure of Jack would survive as they knew nothing about him but now they knew that he was a virtuous man. They inform them that Jack won’t remember anything from his illness and that he will be physically unharmed. 

Jack is surprised by the rage that Carter flies into, he just about manages to wrap an arm around her waist to stop her from catapulting towards the group of men. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She shouts as her CO holds her in place. 

“We could not be sure that he would rise again, it would have been cruel to allow you to hope for such a thing.”

“Cruel!” 

Moments later Jack has ushered the men out of their hut and turns to face Carter, her face is still flushed with anger. She looks as though she hasn’t slept for weeks. 

“So, I…”

“Died.” She finishes his sentence matter of factly. Her heart lurches as she remembers the moments right after his death, she has never known pain like it. 

“Hey,” he places a gentle hand on her chin, lifting it until she meets his stare. “I’m here. It didn’t happen.”

“It happened, I watched it.” She bites her lip, blinking away the sting of new tears. 

“I’m sorry,” he says in a hushed tone, he wraps his arms around her and pulls her against his chest. The thought of watching her die had always been his worst fear, and he’d come close a few times, but to know that she’d watched him take his last breath? 

“I can’t do this anymore,” she tells him. She meets his confused stare and without thinking presses her lips against his. 

“Carter,” he pulls away reluctantly. “Wait, you’re not thinking straight-“

“I love you,” Sam blurts out, she isn’t sorry, not even when he looks at her like that, eyebrows raised. “I love you, and I can’t keep lying awake at night wondering if we’ll die before this war is over, if I’ll ever get to show you how much I love you. I don’t care what it means for my career, I don’t care what people think, I don’t care-“ 

He kisses her again, pulling her flush against him as her lips move against his. He doesn’t remember dying but he knows that he has never felt more alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one hurt to write. 
> 
> I had initially ended this with Jack's death and no miraculous wake up but then chapter 5 popped into my head...


	5. Chapter 5

5\. 

Jack pulls into the driveway with a frown, why is Sam’s car here already? He’s been waiting eagerly for her to return from her latest mission but she had only left yesterday and she had another three days left of the short mission. 

He had spent the day at the training academy with the new recruits, his new role wasn’t quite as exciting as it leading SG1 but it was a worthy exchange in return for a life with Samantha Carter. When they had been rescued from the resurrection planet, as he liked to call it, a mere three days after his return to life he and Sam had already decided that they would do whatever they needed to in order to build a life together. 

After their first night together Sam had rested her head on his chest and cried as she recounted his illness and death, something he had no recollection of. They had spent three days in bed exploring each other in ways that had once been forbidden. Now, six months later, they were settled into a routine with him as head of the training academy and her taking the lead with SG1. She hadn’t officially moved in but she hadn’t spent a single night at her own place since they’d returned from the planet. 

He’d been impressed by her fearless attitude when telling General Hammond that she simply would not ignore her feelings any longer. The older man had taken it quite well, almost like he’d been waiting for such a conversation. Their new roles were sorted in mere weeks and here they were. 

“Carter?” He calls as he pushes open his front door. He knows that’s he’s here from the boots just inside of the door. “Hey,” he finds her sitting in the kitchen alone. 

She looks up at him and he can see that she’s been crying, he sits next to her and takes her hand with a concerned frown spread across his face. 

“Daniel and Teal’c?” he asks, preparing for the worst and watching as she shakes her head. 

“They’re fine,” she promises, her thumb stroking his. 

“What’s going on?” He can’t hide the concern in his voice, he wants to tell her that whatever it is they can face it together but what if this is her realising that she doesn’t want to be with him anymore? What if she has realised that he’s just an old, miserable bastard and she wants to leave? “Did uh, did you even go on the mission?”

She shakes her head and he just watches. 

“You know I love you?” she asks, watching as he nods silently. 

He’s waiting for the but, I love you but this isn’t working, I love you but I’ve met someone else. 

“I’m pregnant.” She offers with a slight shrug, unsure and afraid of his reaction. His mouth opens once, twice but nothing comes out, he’s stunned. She’s been sat here for hours wondering how to tell him, crying. She thought she had been crying because she didn’t know what he would say but eventually her tears of worry had turned to tears of joy. She was carrying his child, she was going to be a mother.

“What?” He asks slowly. 

It’s the same question that she had asked the doctor who had told her just why she couldn’t go on her scheduled mission. 

“Uh… I thought we couldn’t…” he trails off, not quite sure that he’d heard her correctly. 

“The doctor said that with Jolinar and everything that’s happened to my body that it wouldn’t happen, but it’s happened…” She tries to gage his reaction but all she sees is shock. They had spoken about children, one late night as they lay cocooned in each other’s arms, he’d almost seemed disappointed when she informed him of what the doctor had told her but maybe she had misunderstood his reaction. 

“Jack…”

“A baby?” he asks, still stunned. He watches as she nods, he hadn’t noticed before but she sits with a hand over her stomach. 

“I went for my pre mission physical and she told me, I’m seven weeks.”

“Seven weeks?” He finally meets her gaze, “A baby? We’re having a baby?” 

“I know that we didn’t plan this-“

He stands suddenly and pulls her into a hug followed quickly by a kiss, silencing her. “We’re having a baby?” She is having his baby, the woman that he loves more than anything in the universe is carrying his child. 

“We’re having a baby,” She grins as his stunned turns to ecstatic and he places a hand over hers on her stomach. 

“I love you.” He kisses her tenderly, his hand never leaving her stomach. “We’re having a baby.”

**

Seven months later Sam watches as her husband struggles to compose himself as he’s handed his daughter for the first time. 

“Hey baby girl,” his voice, thick with emotion, breaks as he hold the tiny infant against his chest. “I’m your Daddy.”


End file.
